The Thanksgiving Post

This will be my only post this week.  I hope everyone has a beautiful holiday, whether that happens with family or friends; or both!

This Thanksgiving holiday I am especially thankful for a lack of psycho people in my life.  It seems this is the first time in my 37 years that I do not have at least one crazy person raining on my parade.  Of course, my brother still exists - but I never see or hear from him, I really do not know what is going on with him at all.  I have no fear of him showing up on my doorstep, since we will be going to my mom-in-laws this year.

In addition, I am thankful for my sis-in-law (check out her blog here) who has been a wonderful encouragement to me and my writing process.  I would not be blogging or participating in NaNoWriMo if it wasn't for her.

I'm truly thankful for some amazing bloggers that I've met and loved "getting to know" through their witty, wise, and honest posts:

Sarah Pearson
Michael Offutt
Alex J. Cavanaugh
Christine Rains
Julie Fedderson
Crystal Cheverie
Angela Brown
Liz Fichera
Mooderino

None of these bloggers will benefit from me naming them here, since I am a little blogger compared to them; but I wanted to take this special time to let them know that they are truly appreciated by me.

Last, but not least, I want to finish this post off with a dedication to the most amazing man I've ever known.  He has loved me and supported me, gone above and beyond the call of duty to fulfill his vows to me; and loved me better than I ever thought I deserved.  I love you, C, you will always be my everything and I consider myself so lucky to have you in my corner - encouraging me and fighting for me when I need you. 

Happy Thanksgiving, one and all.

A New Beginning...

My husband begins his new job today.  It is really a very old job (he's held the position for 12 years) with a new company, a larger company that seems to be of more substance and quality...all really good things.

However, I did not reach 40,000 words before today; so now I'm feeling doomed.  I've got my story mapped out and I actually know what I'm doing with my MC; but I just seem to run out of time each day and less writing is getting done.

On a completely different note (but one that is humorous)...

My husband had that wedding in Yosemite (click here for more about that) and driving his Honda Civic with 250,000 miles seemed a bit of a gamble; but he made it there and back.  The only issue?  His thermostat went into the "hot" zone as he was arriving, but a mechanic checked it out and gave him the "A-OK". 

Just to be safe, my darling decided to take the car to the local dealership (where we get all our service done) and have them double check everything.

Oh! We were so cavalier yesterday!  As we are walking out of the house, my husband turns to me and says "Just watch 'em find something that is going to cost more than $2000.00 to fix!"  To which I reply, "It will be something huge and we will have to buy you a new car!"  Oh, we were laughing at our silly selves!

Five hours later, the service man is explaining to my husband how the pistons are cracked and blah, blah, blah, and it will be at least $2000 to fix - but probably more and even that doesn't guarantee anything because the engine has so much mileage...

So my husband had to buy a new car last night...a new, used car (we can't afford new new).  And we are left feeling like our words came back to bite us in the ass!

The Destination Wedding in Yosemite/NaNoWriMo Update and Teaser

My husband will leave in a few hours, he is the best man in a friend's wedding.  A "destination" wedding in the Yosemite National Park.  I've never been, the kids have never been; but when the plans were initially made (and the cost assessed) it was decided he would go alone.

Now he doesn't start work until Monday, so we actually could go and have a beautiful time - as a family; but at a premium cost.  The hotel room (the least expensive one available) is $200 per night!

So, I will stay home with the kids; he will drive up to Yosemite today.  I hope he is safe, and has a good time; but I'm worried.  I worry every time he isn't by my side; I have had a reoccurring dream for years...we'll, I'm not putting that out into the Universe.

What I will end with is this - my husband is a wonderful man, I love him dearly and I am excited all ready when I think of him walking back into our home late Friday night!

BTW - NaNoWriMo update: I'm at 25,000 words!  My goal is to be at 40,000 by Monday when my other half goes back to work.  I know it will be hard to devote the same amount of hours per day I have been averaging, once he's working late nights!

Here is a bit of my book so far...(CAUTION! NOT FOR THE FEINT OF HEART!)  I've tentatively titled it "Degenerates Deserve Death".

Click.  Silence.  The door opens and I can see him lying there; passed out, naked, sweating and stinking.  I pause for just a second, man he still gives me pause – I’ll enjoy the killing just to break this sick power he’s got over me.

“Geee-O-rge”, I whisper into his ear.  No movement.  “Gee-O-rge”, I sing seductively.  A faint smile crosses his face.  I did remember to raise my voice and speak in a baby tone – he wouldn’t even respond if he didn’t think I was young.

His eyes begin to flutter, and that is when I pounce.  A single jab to his Adam’s apple just as he is coming to, I’ve mastered that blow; enough to allow him to slowly asphyxiate.  He’ll last just long enough that I can fill him in on who just ended his sorry life.

“Hello George. Funny meeting you again, I’m sure you never thought you’d see me in this trailer one more time.”

His eyes are bulging already, shit I hit him too hard.  Sometimes I can still fuck up when I'm excited, shit.

“George, it’s me.  Remember me?  Lorraine?  Oh, that’s good; I knew you’d remember me – you always said I was your favorite.  Well, you are gonna die, George.  I’ve crushed your Adam’s apple and you are dying.  How does it feel?  I bet it doesn’t feel half as bad as having to be ass-fucked by you.  It probably doesn’t compare to having a bucket of piss and shit thrown on you.  I’m betting it’s a whole hell of a lot better than having your brain fucked in such a way that you honestly believe that being abused and molested equals the best love you are ever gonna deserve.”  I manage to keep my voice quiet while he struggles to breathe, and then it’s over – he’s gone. Humpf.  Sometimes it is just so anti-climactic. 

Scapegoat

Why is it that human beings (American's more than any other society) seem to struggle with taking responsibility for their own faults and actions?  I know that there are people out there with the integrity to stand up and say, "Yeah, I messed up and I'm sorry"; but they are so few and far between - they get profiled in "Hero" stories on 20/20 or other shows.  These characteristics seem non-existent in the workplace anymore, and it is wrong that we as a society seem "ok" with this behavior.

What happened to standing up for what is right?  What happened to saying "I'm sorry"?  What happened to learning that responsibility, integrity, honesty, and hard work will pay off over lying, manipulation, conniving, and back-stabbing?

Oh, that's right...I remember...the 80's, Reaganomics, cocaine, Wall Street...that's what happened.

I'm bitter and pissed right now, my husband was used as a scape goat for the "#2" at his job on Friday and is now out of a job.  My husband is one of the good ones, and anyone that has worked with him knows it - he should NOT have been the fall guy; but he was and now we have to deal with it.

I utterly loathe rich, lazy, liars that don't care about loyalty or honesty and have no integrity.  I wish we could zap them all out of existence.

Another Year Older - It's My Birthday!

Today is the day that I stopped being a part of my mother's body - a parasite, in her eyes, for those 9 long months - and broke out to go it alone...on my own terms.  Yes, it is the DAY OF MY BIRTH! (And I do feel like I've been going it alone since birth! More on that in another post...)

I am married to a beautiful man (imagine Jamie Fraser from Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series, not kidding! My friends called him "James Fraser" when we first got together.)  He blessed me with 3 beautiful children.  I'm 37 years old, and as my husband says "ahead of the game".

But somehow, I still feel like I have yet to accomplish something.  So I've quit making excuses and I'm writing. 

I'm also losing weight.  I've been overweight since college and it just BALLOONED with each of my kids (and all those massive binge sessions - note to self, when you are bulimic and stop puking but keep binging - you will get grossly FAT!), so I'm taking charge of my health. 

Losing weight (I've still got 100 lbs to go and have already lost 95 lbs!) is very hard.  Writing is very hard.  Here is why...

1. I am inherently a procrastinator.
2. I am inherently an addict. (Oh the stories I can tell!)

So what do I do to overcome?

I force myself to write, and I force myself to say "NO" to unhealthy food.

I am not dieting, I do not believe that "dieting" works because it is not possible to diet forever.  I want to learn to make wiser choices with my food, but I'm still a busy human with 3 small humans so we go to fast food sometimes...I just order the salad and get the healthiest dressing they've got; not the double cheeseburger, chicken nuggets, fries, x-large soda AND salad.

As for the writing; well, when I'm tired from being up most of the night with the baby and I can't seem to think of anything worthwhile to say...I just blog about inane shit that no one cares about but me! ;)

Too Tired for Kisses?

When you have a teething toddler - life can be a bit exhausting.  I haven't had a good night's sleep in the last week and the days are filled with tantrums and wailing at the top of one's lungs (both of us!). 

So when my head hits the pillow, and the baby is asleep, it is vital to get as much rest as possible. 

Except for last night. 

Last night my husband turned to me, held me in his arms and kissed me.  He kissed me like when we were dating.  You know, those kisses that go on forever and curl your toes?  God, I love those kisses.  It was wonderful, romantic, exhilarating and definitely worth staying up for.

I'll be exhausted today, but walking around with that dumb smile on my face - like a teenager in love!

So today's question is...

When? Where? How? Who (without revealing too much)?  was your best kiss ever???

I can't wait to hear from all of you...

BTW - Due to tiredness, I've fallen behind in my visiting...I'll be catching up this weekend, so don't worry!  I'll see that amazing post you put up this week, I promise! ;)

My Husband has a strange request...

Yesterday, I received a text from my husband. "Write a poem today." That is all it said, and when I tried to question him about it he just said "Do it". So I did. I'm adding them here, for your reading enjoyment...I hope.

A Day in the Life...

screaming, screaming, clinging, crying - sniffle, sniffle
laughing, laughing, spinning, twirling - smirk, smirk
yelling, yelling, cursing, crying - sniffle, sniffle

a day in the life of a mother of three


Untitled
I am an adult in a child's world
all is at their bidding, all that matters is their wants and desires
I often long for adult conversation, I often wish for a job outside of this home

I am an adult in a child's world
all the world is crashing, all that matters is defending the sheet fort
I often long for time to stop, I often wish that I could keep them home forever

I am an adult in a child's world
all that matters is that I love them, all that matters is they love me
I often long for cuddles that come less frequently, I often wish to turn back time

I am an adult in a child's world
I know frustration
I know longing
I know play
I know heartache
I know love