Well, here is my next excerpt from my WIP, "Degenerates Deserve Death"; as always, ADULT CONTENT so please be aware! This is a flashback my MC has and it shows a bit of how she survived in her formative years. This is my first sex scene.
Keith, what a fucker. Yeah, he was smooth and hot as hell; but he fucked me royally.
“Where you headin’ hot stuff?” he pulls up next to me on that badass old Honda cycle.
“Wherever you are” I reply, way too cocky for my own good.
“Shit, you’re trouble; aren’t cha?” He smirks at me and I swear my pussy just got wet; no man should look that good. I jump on the back and hold on tight. He smells really good. What is it about Drakkar Noir? I love it, and it makes my heart throb. I can feel the six pack under his shirt, I can’t wait until I can get this man’s clothes off.
When I left home this last time, my mom told me my whoring would get me pregnant and full of diseases – fuck her. I’m done with worrying about what she thinks about me, she wasn’t ever there for me when I needed her and I’m 14 – I sure as hell don’t need her now. When I think back to all those summers she let Pops take me to the Salton Sea, she never cared about what was happening to me then. Fuck, if I hadn’t been gang raped at five; maybe I’d have a different moral code. As it is, I like sex and I use it as a commodity to control men and get what I want. What’s wrong with that? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. It’s not like I’m a idiot, I’m on the pill and I always make them use condomns…I’m not about to get stuck with some shit I can’t take care of – whether it be a baby or a disease.
“You asleep back there?”
“Of course not, I don’t think women often get a lot of sleep around you; do they?”
He chuckles. “Hey, what’s your name?”
“Lorraine”
“Lovely Lorraine. Nice. I like it.”
“Thanks” I wonder if he can hear my smile?
“Were you serious about going anywhere?” he’s asking a loaded question, I’m sure.
“Yeah, I’m always up for an adventure” I purr into his ear. Guys like it when I purr, it’s so funny.
“I’ve got to pick some shit up from a buddy of mine. He’s out in the desert, by the Salton Sea – ever heard of it?”
I gulp. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
“No. Is there a problem?”
“No…no problem. Yeah, whatever. I’m in” I wonder if he’ll pick up on the hesitation in my voice.
“Alright then” He lets loose the throttle and we increase speed until it takes my breath away.
Am I on candid camera? I hitch a ride in Fullerton and pick the one dreamboat that’s headed to the fucking Salton Sea? Shit, I cannot believe my luck. It’s like I’m permanently tied to that god forsaken place. It’s cool, Lorraine. Just take a deep breath. He’s probably headed for Bombay Beach, no one knows about North Shore except the degenerates that hide there.
“I use to vacation at the Salton Sea with my Pops when I was a kid. Do you know what part you’re going to? It’s a big body of water.”
“Yeah, it’s off Route 86? My buddy told me it’s on the south side”
“Oh, yeah…I’m not really familiar with the south side” Breathe. I can breathe. I didn’t realize I wasn’t breathing until he said that – shit, I swore I wouldn’t let the shit that happened there effect me. Yeah, right. Like it doesn’t affect me. Every time I’m with a man, everything I learned from George comes into play. I only know all the tricks I’ve got up my sleeve because of that bastard.
“Can we stop soon?”
“Why? You change your mind about our adventure?”
“No, I’ve got to pee and I thought I’d blow you” that shut him up, and I can feel his cock growing. Looky Looky, who likes a simple blow job; it’s so funny. Men are so predictable, why don’t women give head more? You can own a man if you suck his dick - swallow and they’ll commit murder for you.
“Will this work?”
“Motel 6? I don’t think they let you just use the bathroom here”
“I thought maybe we could take an hour break, eat something other than each other” he winks.
“Oh you are clever, aren’t you?” I grab his cock as he turns to walk away and his breath catches.
“Hold on. I’ll be right back”
I gotta get off this bike and do the dance or else that guy eyeing me at registration is going to pull the plug on my adventure. I swing my leg off, and turn my back to him; then ever so innocently – I just bend over at the waist to stretch. Looking back at him and waving seals the deal. If he suspects I’m underage, he won’t admit now; most normal guys don’t want to admit that they get hard looking at a fourteen year old. Whatever, I look eighteen. With a 36D and 26” waist at my disposal, there isn’t much I can’t get away with when it comes to the opposite sex. Shit, sometimes I can get a butch dyke or two blithering at me to do my bidding.
“So what number?” I ask.
“204, it’s on the back side, at the end…lots of privacy”
“Purrrfect” I suck his earlobe in and bite down.
“Let’s go”
I’ve got to wipe the smirk off my face; he’s taking the steps two at a time! He is so cute, I think he might be the most beautiful man I’ve ever been with and I know this is going to be tons of fun.
“Here, think fast” he tosses me the keys “I forgot my bag”
“Hurry, I’ll be waiting…”
I get the door open and close the blinds just as he’s coming in; “That was fast”
“I promise to slow down now”
“Mmmm”
He’s got great arms, I love the feel of them around my waist. “Kiss my neck”
“Oh is that how you play? What if I don’t like to take orders?”
“It was just a suggestion. I’ll be the best you’ve ever had if you let me do what I do best” I say it with promise, but I’m staring him down – this is the turning point, I don’t do submissive.
“Ok, Lovely Lorraine; I trust you”
He kisses my neck and bites a little, that’s good; “Mmmm, I like that”
“What are you gonna do for me?”
“Take off your clothes. I want to see you naked” if he does it, we are good.
The pants come off first, commando, huh? Nice. Very nice. He’s rock hard and it is cut…thank god, I hate dirty dick. The shirt reveals what I was feeling, six pack abs are so beautiful. “You look good”
He laughs. “When you gonna let me see what your barely-there outfit is teasing about?”
“Lay down on the bed”
I start to hum to myself Tori Amos’s Little Earthquakes and begin gyrating to my own rhythm. Slowly, ever so slowly, I peel my skin tight tank top up over my head. I didn’t bother with a bra today, so my boobs just bounce out – guys like it when they bounce – and his eyes turn to saucers. Yeah, my tits are the shit…I lucked out with the genes for curves. Next comes my boots, I love taking my boots off in front of a man. I had to stay with this asshole for three months to get him to buy these boots for me; but it was worth it. I slowly unzip my left thigh-high with my foot resting on the table by the door – it gives him a great Mrs. Robinson view. I move on to the right and step out, then turn my back to him. I undo my shorts and slowly bend over as I pull them down, giving him a great view of my ass in this hot pink G-string.
“Come here before I die, my dick is so hard it hurts”
“Gladly” I crawl up the bed over his body and take his entire nine inches down my throat, that’s a neat trick I’ve worked very hard to accomplish. I’m rewarded with that sharp intake of breath I love to hear. I can suck on this a bit before I put the cover on…yummy.
“I gotta get something outta my bag”
“Wha?” He clears his throat. “What?”
“A condom, I play it safe sweetie.”
“Oh, Oh, yeah, ok”
I put the condom in my mouth and stretch it over his fantastic dick with my mouth.
“Holy Shit! Where did you learn how to do that?” he’s breathing really hard now.
I chuckle, “I’ve got more tricks up my sleeve, I’m gonna blow your mind”
“As long as you don’t stop blowing my cock, god that feels fucking amazing”
I suck his balls into my mouth and flick my tongue over them, while I start rubbing the head – his toes are curling now.
“Do you like that?” I look up with a raised eyebrow.
“Fuck Lorraine, I want you to take it all in your mouth; NOW”
“tsk tsk, say please”
“Pl-Plea-Please?”
“Nice, I like nice men”
I start sucking with a good rhythm and gusto, he’s mine now. I can already feel his balls tightening, hmmm – he must not get blow jobs very often.
“Lorraine, stop”
“What?”
“I said stop, I want to fuck you” he looks all dreamy, and his voice is strained.
“Sorry, we just met. You gotta earn a fuck, blowjobs are free cuz they’re fun”
“Are you shittin’ me?”
“Nope. You in or out? Am I gonna finish?”
“Uh, yeah, absolutely you’re gonna finish” he is so confused, it’s kinda cute.
So I do just that, it only takes another two minutes at the most; he’s gotta work on his stamina. I mean, shit, with a condom and everything? He can’t be hard up looking like he does.
“By the way, what’s your name?”
“Keith” he says between his guffaws.
Posts
This is great. Very well written. I think that convincing sex is some of the most challenging stuff for a writer to pull off.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I'm trying to stay true to the MC's experience, but I worry that readers will find it too over the top! However, I have it on good authority that shit like this happens everyday so I'll continue to tell Lorraine's story. As my first attempt at a sex scene, I truly appreciate the feedback!
DeleteWow. I most definitely shouldn't have read that before I try to go concentrate on deposing a banker.
ReplyDeleteExcellent voice, lots of twists in just this small snippet. This is a great promo for what you're writing, because if I read this on a blog or back of the book I'd want to read more. Heck, I want to read more now.
You've crossed the line into people whose skill I envy. Nicely done.
Deposing a banker might be more fun with Lorraine in the back of your head! ;)
DeleteI'm glad you enjoyed my excerpt and will keep this in mind for the snippet I send out in query letters, think I'll get any responses?
I would say that this is terrible, but since it's not, I'll have to say that you did a great job with this. The MC is young and you made it clear she isn't the way she is because of some misunderstanding. She's learned the tricks she's pulling from people who should have been looking out for her instead of "getting in" to her.
ReplyDeleteThe saddest part of all is Lorraine is out there for real, pulling the same trick, doing the same stranger and founding out names after the fact - in this case, after a good blow.