Well, as many of you saw; my freak out really started this past Tuesday with my IWSG post. The day ended with a trip to Target, all three kids in tow, and a list of needed items that was too long to bear. I got about 3/4 of the way through before the incessant wailing of Lil Demon, the bickering between Archer Girl and Archer Boy, and my own exhaustion got the better of me. I left my cart where it stood, full of groceries and other sundry items; then picked up the baby, snapped at the older two and strode out of the place with tired and frustrated tears streaming down my face. Wow! It's been a long time since I've succumbed to that kind of dramatic outburst, and I was wholly ashamed of myself.
The week hasn't got any better, except it has; and it is because of you.
I received some of the greatest comments from you all, sincere and straightforward, they really helped me start to put things into perspective. While I've been whirring around like an out of control radio controlled helicopter, I've managed to come to a few conclusions inside my mixed up noggin.
First, my New Year's Resolution was dumb and ill-informed. Just because someone from NaNo says it, doesn't make it so. I don't give a rats ass how many "followers" I have, I want readers who become friends - and that's all I want. I started this blog - originally way back in 2010 - as an online diary for Pete's sake! I didn't figure I'd ever have anyone reading ANYTHING I wrote, but now I've made some good friends and I love where I'm at with this.
Second, blogging is my "hobby". I want to be a writer. I want to write and get paid for it. I blog to make friends and be connected and I will write the rest of the time. It is sad that it took me the past four months to finally come to this conclusion, but that's it...I'm going to let it be now.
So, I will continue to post my Freak Out Fridays; but they will be about all the OTHER shit I freak out about in my life - not blogging, nor writing. I'll save all my insecurities up and continue to post those the first Wednesday of the month for Alex J. Cavanaugh's Insecure Writer's Support Group (check out his latest entry in this mighty fine support group here).
Come back and visit for Confession Sunday, I'll be discussing a deep seated fear of mine!