Well, as many of you saw; my freak out really started this past Tuesday with my IWSG post. The day ended with a trip to Target, all three kids in tow, and a list of needed items that was too long to bear. I got about 3/4 of the way through before the incessant wailing of Lil Demon, the bickering between Archer Girl and Archer Boy, and my own exhaustion got the better of me. I left my cart where it stood, full of groceries and other sundry items; then picked up the baby, snapped at the older two and strode out of the place with tired and frustrated tears streaming down my face. Wow! It's been a long time since I've succumbed to that kind of dramatic outburst, and I was wholly ashamed of myself.
The week hasn't got any better, except it has; and it is because of you.
I received some of the greatest comments from you all, sincere and straightforward, they really helped me start to put things into perspective. While I've been whirring around like an out of control radio controlled helicopter, I've managed to come to a few conclusions inside my mixed up noggin.
First, my New Year's Resolution was dumb and ill-informed. Just because someone from NaNo says it, doesn't make it so. I don't give a rats ass how many "followers" I have, I want readers who become friends - and that's all I want. I started this blog - originally way back in 2010 - as an online diary for Pete's sake! I didn't figure I'd ever have anyone reading ANYTHING I wrote, but now I've made some good friends and I love where I'm at with this.
Second, blogging is my "hobby". I want to be a writer. I want to write and get paid for it. I blog to make friends and be connected and I will write the rest of the time. It is sad that it took me the past four months to finally come to this conclusion, but that's it...I'm going to let it be now.
So, I will continue to post my Freak Out Fridays; but they will be about all the OTHER shit I freak out about in my life - not blogging, nor writing. I'll save all my insecurities up and continue to post those the first Wednesday of the month for Alex J. Cavanaugh's Insecure Writer's Support Group (check out his latest entry in this mighty fine support group here).
Come back and visit for Confession Sunday, I'll be discussing a deep seated fear of mine!
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Sorry you got so frustrated in Target! Now I feel bad.
ReplyDeleteBlogging is about making friends. That's why I'm still doing it. Started because my publisher told me to get my butt online and start a platform and continued because of what I've gotten out of it. Which is why I try so hard to give back. I've been served - now it's my time to serve others.
That's why I'm glad I don't have kids. But that will be my brother before long, having to take two screaming banshees grocery shopping and stuff. Bwahahahahahaha.
ReplyDeleteI don't need kids to make me go insane at Target. All that "red decor" makes my anxiety surge. I'll accompany Mrs. Chatterbox anywhere...except Target, where she's on her own.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if Archer Girl is old enough to look after the boys so you can go out for an hour... Then again, it might just stress her out too much.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hope Lil Demon has mellowed out a bit since then.
I have to say, you did rather well. I've left the store with my one little chipmunk in hand and a full basket in the aisle a time or two. Sometimes, it's better for you, the kiddos and the other shoppers who are probably standing around thinking things.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I'm slowly getting over the whole "I need a bazillion followers" thing myself. I love having followers and welcome any new followers to come on by. But, like you, I've grown to love blogging for the fun and friendship. The followers are an uber plus.
Keep doing what you do. Freak out when you need to. Let the tears slide when they must. And wipe them up so you can tap out some more great words on your story, hug little demon and archer boy and archer girl and give your honey a big smooch when you get it all out of you.
Good for you Heather :) Blogging has to be fun or you won't enjoy it and then give up on it. I can sense from you that you legitimately enjoy it. So I have no doubt that as a side-effect of this, you will blog past all expectations. I suggest joining some blog fests, in particular the A-Z challenge coming up in April. I'm probably/most likely going to do it.
ReplyDeleteI was so happy to read this - the realisation bits, not the Target bit - we have so much stress and expectation in our life, that things like blogging should make us happy :-)
ReplyDelete