Freak Out Fridays - Resolved?

Well, as many of you saw; my freak out really started this past Tuesday with my IWSG post.  The day ended with a trip to Target, all three kids in tow, and a list of needed items that was too long to bear.  I got about 3/4 of the way through before the incessant wailing of Lil Demon, the bickering between Archer Girl and Archer Boy, and my own exhaustion got the better of me.  I left my cart where it stood, full of groceries and other sundry items; then picked up the baby, snapped at the older two and strode out of the place with tired and frustrated tears streaming down my face.  Wow!  It's been a long time since I've succumbed to that kind of dramatic outburst, and I was wholly ashamed of myself.

The week hasn't got any better, except it has; and it is because of you.

I received some of the greatest comments from you all, sincere and straightforward, they really helped me start to put things into perspective.  While I've been whirring around like an out of control radio controlled helicopter, I've managed to come to a few conclusions inside my mixed up noggin.

First, my New Year's Resolution was dumb and ill-informed.  Just because someone from NaNo says it, doesn't make it so.  I don't give a rats ass how many "followers" I have, I want readers who become friends - and that's all I want.  I started this blog - originally way back in 2010 - as an online diary for Pete's sake!  I didn't figure I'd ever have anyone reading ANYTHING I wrote, but now I've made some good friends and I love where I'm at with this.

Second, blogging is my "hobby".  I want to be a writer.  I want to write and get paid for it.  I blog to make friends and be connected and I will write the rest of the time.  It is sad that it took me the past four months to finally come to this conclusion, but that's it...I'm going to let it be now.

So, I will continue to post my Freak Out Fridays; but they will be about all the OTHER shit I freak out about in my life - not blogging, nor writing.  I'll save all my insecurities up and continue to post those the first Wednesday of the month for Alex J. Cavanaugh's Insecure Writer's Support Group (check out his latest entry in this mighty fine support group here). 

Come back and visit for Confession Sunday, I'll be discussing a deep seated fear of mine!

I'm falling behind and I'm beating myself up about it!

Well, I'm at 30,000 words; but I didn't write yesterday.  Another killer migraine struck and so I decided to take the day off...now I feel guilty.  Why do I put such hard requirements upon myself?  I've always been this way - I strive for perfect and never reach it (I do acknowledge where my daughter gets it from!).  Realistically, I know that I am human and can never be "perfect" and yet; well, here I am.

I've become consumed with NaNoWriMo and struggle to complete this task I've set out for myself, to the detriment of other things...like reading all of my favorite blogs.  I've got about 20 that I LOVE LOVE LOVE! Yet, I haven't visited this month because I'm so focused on getting this novel done.

So, to all of you wonderful bloggers (you know who you are!), have no fear; I'll be visiting your sites and catching up on November's posts - just not until December!

Until then, keep posting and definitely keep writing!  I miss you! :)

BTW: I'm thinking of hosting my own little contest for the holidays!  It is still in my brain's planning phase, but I hope to have it all worked out by December 5th.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

I've got so much to say!  So many ideas are bouncing around in my head (not to mention what the voices have on their agenda!), and I have no time to sit down and write them down.  I'm seriously bummed right now.  I feel guilty for not posting and I feel even more guilty that I haven't had time to sit and read all my favorite blogs!

My daughter's first archery tournament is this Saturday.  

We have been living and breathing archery the past week in preparation and as a result, Mommy has neglected her writing.  Why is it that moms always sacrifice themselves/their dreams/their hopes for the children?  Oh, I'm feeling it right now.

So I have to make some changes because I hold myself to unrealistic goals sometimes and I've come to view the blogging and reading of the blogs as an obligation that I have NO TIME to accomplish.  Realistically, I do have the time - maybe not every day, maybe not every other day; but I have to stop being ridiculous in the expectations department.  If I post a couple times a week, the readers will understand and be supportive...right?

So I'm making some changes...

I've decided to post regularly only twice a week.  I've got too much going on right now for a bigger commitment and I want to keep to a schedule that is manageable.  This way, I won't feel guilty about the days I miss, and I can focus on reading all the wonderful blogs I can't read now...

The Campaign is kickin' my butt!

Well, I finally figured out how to "follow" everyone in my group (all those with no "follow" button are making it incredibly difficult to "follow" you!), and now I am responsible for reading 60 blogs everyday.  I am a mother of three and even when the older two start school on Wednesday, I will still have my willful, stubborn, overly active 15 month old at home with me.  It took me over 3 hours on Friday to read/comment on all the blogs; and I don't have that kind of time!

Please, gentle bloggers, please let me know how you do this - and how to do it correctly!  I want to fulfill my obligations; but as of this weekend...I feel like I'm letting Rach & all the other bloggers down!

I know, I know...I'm a perfectionist and I'm sure Liz will say "Just do what you can"; but I want to give all of you the same attention you are giving to me!

Help!

I'm participating in the Third Writers' Platform-Building Campaign!

Hello Everyone!
I have decided (after much ado and discussion with various peoples, including Liz) to join the Third Writers' Platform-Building Campaign.  Since I am so new to the blogging world, there is a lot that I will be learning and there is a lot I am already confused about; but I have high hopes!

I look forward to these challenges and to making new friends and followers in this exciting new world!


Check back frequently to see how this is all going, and let's hope I don't fall on my face!

When you can't sleep because the words won't stop...

I was lying in bed, unable to shut off my brain; words just kept coming - so I decided to get up and put them down on paper. What I wrote in the wee hours of the night will be the topic of my blog today...these words are part of that novel that has been plaguing my thoughts for the past 5 years. Please let me know what you think...
 
Dead fish, briny water, sweat, and just the most subtle hint of citrus, that is what the North Shore of the Salton Sea smelled like in the summer of ’81. Horse flies the size of half dollars, temperatures that reached 116 degrees, and alcoholic old men telling stories were the sounds that surrounded me. The small, illegal enclave of broken down, dilapidated campers that dotted the landscape at the inlet where I lived was a hell hole to many; a place to go and drink away the pain for some. I was 7 years old and didn’t know any better, it was heaven on earth to my young eyes because I was with him. The scrub grass, the tumble weeds, the jack rabbits and snakes; were all witness to the best and worst summer of my life. I loved the old life raft that he inflated for me to fill with water I carried in buckets myself so that I could try to stay cool, I loved the pipe that emptied down the path - that cold water that came from who knows where, carrying who knows what in it - was so refreshing I never thought to ask if it was safe to drink or swim. I loved practice shooting with his pellet rifle at the old beer cans that seemed to amass outside of Jack and Joey’s campers every night. I loved the smell of George’s breath when he was drinking his special Tequila Sunrise medicine. Above all, I loved the old Honda motorcycle he used to drive me to the yacht club for Sunday Pancake Breakfast. Have you ever been to a place so hot that just breathing is hard? A place where the mercury reaches 95 degrees Fahrenheit and the locals comment on how cool its become? I remember the Baptist church we attended all summer, and how I was the only person in the congregation under the age of 65. I remember how cool that church was and how much I looked forward to going there, even though the preacher gave me the creeps because he always hugged me too close and too long. That church and the yacht club were the only places with air conditioning, the only places that didn’t smell like dead fish and sweat. 

Now obviously, this is VERY rough and it is my first foray with letting others read what I write...so please be a bit gentle with me!

Learning How To Blog

So I am sitting here with my dear sis-in-law and she is voluntarily going to walk me through some cool new things that I can do with this blog. Right off the bat, I've learned that I've been writing in the "Edit Html" window when I should be using "Compose"...huh...who would've thunk it?

I guess my version of this blogging software is super old, so now I need to be using something else...we'll see how this all works out...the more I learn, the more complicated this becomes - which just makes me want to throw in the towel!  Because really, who has time for this shit anyway???

So...Since Liz is here, I might as well do the damn aforementioned MEME...

1. Are you a rutabaga?
 This is probably the stupidest, most idiotic question ever thought up; and those adult followers of "Yo Gabba Gabba" probably find it SO PROFOUND!
2. Who is your current crush?
My current crush is the same as my crush from 14 years ago...I am now and will always be...CRUSHING HARD ON MY HUSBAND!!!
3. Upload a heartwarming picture that makes you smile.
UMMM... honestly, the only thing that warms my heart is: 

4. When was the last time you ate a vine-ripened tomato?
 Cooked? two days ago. I made my famous home-made tomato sauce.  Raw however is another story...the last time I had a raw tomato in my mouth (vine ripened or otherwise) was July 8th.  I bit into a burger I had ordered (specifying that I cannot eat raw tomatoes or else I would have a severe allergic reaction) and low and behold...there was a tomato on the burger!  I immediately spit the bite out and it couldn't have been in my mouth for more than 2 seconds, and yet I still broke out in hives all over my face and neck - so NOT a pretty look! 
5. Name one habit that causes other people to plot your demise.
I would say it has to be my habit of being completely unforgiving to those people who make plans and then flake on them...or show up exceedingly late with no valid reason...I truly hate that!
6. What is the weirdest, most disgusting job you've ever had to do?
Maple Leaf Farms.  Very few people can say that they have worked at a duck processing plant, BUT I CAN!  I was responsible for "de-gutting" the ducks after they had been fresh killed, de-feathered, and had their throats slit to drain their blood...oh the stories I can tell about THAT summer job!
7. Where da muffin top at?
I do not believe I can call it a muffin top after 3 GINORMOUS kids...
8. What author introduced you to your genre?
I don't have a genre...
9. Describe yourself using obscure Latin words.
Obscurum per obscurius 

So, I'm done with this post and now I am to "TAG" someone else...well, since I'm so new and only know of 2 blogs (one being the person who tagged me!), I will choose my dear friend and medium LILITH/Sue Jorgenson.       

The Universe is conspiring...against or for me?

My husband tells me to write a poem, and then my sister-in-law writes a meme post on her blog and tags me asking that I return to my long abandoned blog...

Well, I am not in the blogosphere and I do not even know what a meme is, I can assume it is a series of questions that are asked to get to know one better. At least that is what I assume.

As soon as I figure out how to take from her blog, and add to my own; I will post that meme here...

It strikes me as a bit strange, though, that two people in my life are suddenly trying to get me to write. At a time when I am contemplating enrolling in a Masters program that I am not very passionate about, a time when I wish I had the confidence to write the novel I've had kicking around in my head for the last 5 years...

I believe the Universe is conspiring...on my behalf?