When Life is Unexpected...Isn't it Always?

My last post mentioned my brother, and how I was sure he wouldn't ruin Thanksgiving this year.  I'm happy to report that he did not.  In fact, he didn't show up at all...until Saturday.  I was quite shocked though when he informed me that he was here to apologize for his past behavior.  He went on to tell my husband and I that he is being seen by a therapist, is in recovery (I guess living on the streets finally sunk in as his "rock bottom") and is in the process of getting on medication.  He even admitted that "I'll never succeed at anything in life unless I am willing to admit that I have a mental illness I need help taking care of", color me speechless!

I have told him that I would always be there for him, if he ever got to the point where he was willing to admit he was sick AND get the help he needs; and I'm here.  However, he left that night - forgot his cell phone - and I haven't heard from him since.

Do I fret?  Shall I worry?  No, my life cannot be about him and his disease.  I have a husband and three children to take care of, they need me more than he does.

So I go on...living life and dealing with the daily unexpected happenings, living the best I can and being the best that I can be.

Ho hum, right? ;)

Final note: I was at 45,000 words on Friday (regarding my NaNoWriMo book) and I didn't write Saturday; but when I went to "finish" on Sunday - I realized that about 20,000 words of that belong in another book.  So I deleted it.

I'm back up to 31,000 and I'm going to be writing like a maniac to finish by the 30th; but I can do whatever I set my mind to accomplish...right?  Tell me I'm right...PLEASE?

The Thanksgiving Post

This will be my only post this week.  I hope everyone has a beautiful holiday, whether that happens with family or friends; or both!

This Thanksgiving holiday I am especially thankful for a lack of psycho people in my life.  It seems this is the first time in my 37 years that I do not have at least one crazy person raining on my parade.  Of course, my brother still exists - but I never see or hear from him, I really do not know what is going on with him at all.  I have no fear of him showing up on my doorstep, since we will be going to my mom-in-laws this year.

In addition, I am thankful for my sis-in-law (check out her blog here) who has been a wonderful encouragement to me and my writing process.  I would not be blogging or participating in NaNoWriMo if it wasn't for her.

I'm truly thankful for some amazing bloggers that I've met and loved "getting to know" through their witty, wise, and honest posts:

Sarah Pearson
Michael Offutt
Alex J. Cavanaugh
Christine Rains
Julie Fedderson
Crystal Cheverie
Angela Brown
Liz Fichera
Mooderino

None of these bloggers will benefit from me naming them here, since I am a little blogger compared to them; but I wanted to take this special time to let them know that they are truly appreciated by me.

Last, but not least, I want to finish this post off with a dedication to the most amazing man I've ever known.  He has loved me and supported me, gone above and beyond the call of duty to fulfill his vows to me; and loved me better than I ever thought I deserved.  I love you, C, you will always be my everything and I consider myself so lucky to have you in my corner - encouraging me and fighting for me when I need you. 

Happy Thanksgiving, one and all.

Teaser Tuesdays

I'm playing along this week, I got this from Christine Rains blog - check her out here

Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading. Anyone can play along! Just do the following:

• Grab your current read
• Open to a random page
• Share two (2) “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
• BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
• Share the title & author, too, so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers!

Ok, so here are my two teasers:

He did not see her involuntary jump, but it seemed to me that he knew she had moved.
"You say 'he caught me and choked me and took advantage of me' - is that right?"

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee pg. 247

It is a classic and most have read it before, this is a re-read for me; but I never tire of Atticus and Scout!

What "classic" books do you love so much it hurts?

I'm falling behind and I'm beating myself up about it!

Well, I'm at 30,000 words; but I didn't write yesterday.  Another killer migraine struck and so I decided to take the day off...now I feel guilty.  Why do I put such hard requirements upon myself?  I've always been this way - I strive for perfect and never reach it (I do acknowledge where my daughter gets it from!).  Realistically, I know that I am human and can never be "perfect" and yet; well, here I am.

I've become consumed with NaNoWriMo and struggle to complete this task I've set out for myself, to the detriment of other things...like reading all of my favorite blogs.  I've got about 20 that I LOVE LOVE LOVE! Yet, I haven't visited this month because I'm so focused on getting this novel done.

So, to all of you wonderful bloggers (you know who you are!), have no fear; I'll be visiting your sites and catching up on November's posts - just not until December!

Until then, keep posting and definitely keep writing!  I miss you! :)

BTW: I'm thinking of hosting my own little contest for the holidays!  It is still in my brain's planning phase, but I hope to have it all worked out by December 5th.

A New Beginning...

My husband begins his new job today.  It is really a very old job (he's held the position for 12 years) with a new company, a larger company that seems to be of more substance and quality...all really good things.

However, I did not reach 40,000 words before today; so now I'm feeling doomed.  I've got my story mapped out and I actually know what I'm doing with my MC; but I just seem to run out of time each day and less writing is getting done.

On a completely different note (but one that is humorous)...

My husband had that wedding in Yosemite (click here for more about that) and driving his Honda Civic with 250,000 miles seemed a bit of a gamble; but he made it there and back.  The only issue?  His thermostat went into the "hot" zone as he was arriving, but a mechanic checked it out and gave him the "A-OK". 

Just to be safe, my darling decided to take the car to the local dealership (where we get all our service done) and have them double check everything.

Oh! We were so cavalier yesterday!  As we are walking out of the house, my husband turns to me and says "Just watch 'em find something that is going to cost more than $2000.00 to fix!"  To which I reply, "It will be something huge and we will have to buy you a new car!"  Oh, we were laughing at our silly selves!

Five hours later, the service man is explaining to my husband how the pistons are cracked and blah, blah, blah, and it will be at least $2000 to fix - but probably more and even that doesn't guarantee anything because the engine has so much mileage...

So my husband had to buy a new car last night...a new, used car (we can't afford new new).  And we are left feeling like our words came back to bite us in the ass!

The Destination Wedding in Yosemite/NaNoWriMo Update and Teaser

My husband will leave in a few hours, he is the best man in a friend's wedding.  A "destination" wedding in the Yosemite National Park.  I've never been, the kids have never been; but when the plans were initially made (and the cost assessed) it was decided he would go alone.

Now he doesn't start work until Monday, so we actually could go and have a beautiful time - as a family; but at a premium cost.  The hotel room (the least expensive one available) is $200 per night!

So, I will stay home with the kids; he will drive up to Yosemite today.  I hope he is safe, and has a good time; but I'm worried.  I worry every time he isn't by my side; I have had a reoccurring dream for years...we'll, I'm not putting that out into the Universe.

What I will end with is this - my husband is a wonderful man, I love him dearly and I am excited all ready when I think of him walking back into our home late Friday night!

BTW - NaNoWriMo update: I'm at 25,000 words!  My goal is to be at 40,000 by Monday when my other half goes back to work.  I know it will be hard to devote the same amount of hours per day I have been averaging, once he's working late nights!

Here is a bit of my book so far...(CAUTION! NOT FOR THE FEINT OF HEART!)  I've tentatively titled it "Degenerates Deserve Death".

Click.  Silence.  The door opens and I can see him lying there; passed out, naked, sweating and stinking.  I pause for just a second, man he still gives me pause – I’ll enjoy the killing just to break this sick power he’s got over me.

“Geee-O-rge”, I whisper into his ear.  No movement.  “Gee-O-rge”, I sing seductively.  A faint smile crosses his face.  I did remember to raise my voice and speak in a baby tone – he wouldn’t even respond if he didn’t think I was young.

His eyes begin to flutter, and that is when I pounce.  A single jab to his Adam’s apple just as he is coming to, I’ve mastered that blow; enough to allow him to slowly asphyxiate.  He’ll last just long enough that I can fill him in on who just ended his sorry life.

“Hello George. Funny meeting you again, I’m sure you never thought you’d see me in this trailer one more time.”

His eyes are bulging already, shit I hit him too hard.  Sometimes I can still fuck up when I'm excited, shit.

“George, it’s me.  Remember me?  Lorraine?  Oh, that’s good; I knew you’d remember me – you always said I was your favorite.  Well, you are gonna die, George.  I’ve crushed your Adam’s apple and you are dying.  How does it feel?  I bet it doesn’t feel half as bad as having to be ass-fucked by you.  It probably doesn’t compare to having a bucket of piss and shit thrown on you.  I’m betting it’s a whole hell of a lot better than having your brain fucked in such a way that you honestly believe that being abused and molested equals the best love you are ever gonna deserve.”  I manage to keep my voice quiet while he struggles to breathe, and then it’s over – he’s gone. Humpf.  Sometimes it is just so anti-climactic. 

O.M.G!

Oh! My! God!
Ok, my life has turned into writing whenever I can sneak it in...I'm at 15000 words and I'm seeing by other's blog posts that I'm falling behind.  I guess there is a contest to see who finishes first?  I didn't know that.  So, writing my novel is numero uno priority right now.

But wanted to mention just a few things...

Do you remember my amazingly talented, wonderful, drop-dead gorgeous husband that was scape-goated by a huge asshole a few weeks ago? If not, you can read about it here.  Well, he is SO awesome; that he just got a job offer from another company and they want to pay him WAY more money!  Whoo HOO!  Yeah, it kinda rocks. :)

Next, my kids went through a bit of a speed bump with archery - they were both whining and having issues, I don't know why...but this weekend they both rocked and made me proud and so...

Not only are they just awesome, all around awesome; but they totally support me writing and are giving me the space I need to do that.  My kids were even bragging at archery that "Mommy is a writer, writing a real book and everything".  I felt bad when they got bummed, I told them they cannot read it. ;)  Now my daughter is trying to negotiate with me, "When I'm 15 can I read it?"  Then I say, "Uh, no." 

She finally realized that I can't tell her NO at 18, so that's her plan...when she turns 18 she gets to read mommy's book.  She's too funny.

Well, that's all for my ramblings...

Back to writing my NaNo book! :)

When is it "OK" to lie to your children?

When you have an issue that comes up in life - like a family pet needing to be "put down" or euthanized - should you make up a story to tell your children?  Or should they learn that part of being a responsible pet owner is putting said pet out of their misery?

I ask this because a dear friend recently had to make that decision, and while I don't know that I would have chosen the option she did - I absolutely respect what she decided was best for her family.

Have any of you ever had to deal with a situation like this?  It's complicated and personal, but I wonder if it is ever "OK" to lie to your kids?  What do you think?

On another topic completely - I've written 8000 words so far for my NaNoWriMo novel.  I'm really excited about where my story is going and hope I can find someone who will read it and critique it for me!  Let me know if you'd be willing to do a novel swap! :)

My Issues with Insecurity

I'm participating in NaNoWriMo and I've written 3550 words my first day, and still I am convinced I will fail.  I decided to participate to challenge myself to complete a first draft; and so far, the words are coming - but what happens when the words aren't flying off my fingers?  What will I do then?  I have yet to write anything long enough to really struggle with writer's block, and still the fear of it is panic-inducing for me.  What do you do when the words just won't come?  You know where your story is going, but you can't seem to find the words to get you to that next plot point; what then? 

My greatest fear, of course, is that I'll finish my story and give it to someone other than my husband to read - and they will hate it.  Say, "What the hell were you thinking, you are not a writer!"

Inner demons of past self-loathing are hard to get rid of, I can analyze the psychology of my fear till I'm blue in the face - that still doesn't put them in a vault, where I don't hear the nagging voices.

I'm sharing my insecurities as a member of the Insecure Writer's Support Group...so tell me, fellow Insecure Writer's, how do you quiet the negative voices in your head?  How do you get past a block?  And, most importantly, how do you choose that first lucky individual to share your work with?

The Plot Twist

I love to read books, but it seems that most of the books I read are pretty predictable.  I would venture to say - formulaic.  So I ask, how important is the plot twist?  In order for a book to be FANTASTIC, is it necessary to have that "thing" that comes out of left field and hits you upside the head?  Or perhaps, is it more important to tell a story well, and plot twists be damned?

As I mentioned yesterday, I am participating in NaNoWriMo and spent last night mapping out my story and flushing out my characters.  I will begin to write today, after the kids are at school.  My issue occurred when I finally went to bed and spent the remainder of the night fretting that the story follows a predictable curve.  My subject matter, however, is NOT something I have seen in books before; but I'm seeing (by the blogs I read!) that there is A LOT out there that I have yet to read! 

So, if I'm dealing with topics like revenge, spiritual beliefs, pedophilia, sex slavery, and the friendship between a little girl of 9 and the kick-ass woman who kills the girl's sick captor; is that "fresh" enough?

I ask you, my wonderful readers, because you all seem to be well versed in current reads and I'd love to hear your opinion!

Good luck to all of you that are also participating in NaNoWriMo, I hope you are successful in finishing what proves to be a dynamic challenge!