Heather Arundel

The Diva of Darkness

Salton Sea Sunset Photo by Ron Niebrugge

Salton Sea Sunset Photo by Ron Niebrugge
The Beauty of Hell...

Article 1 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights - also known as my personal life motto!

All Human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Who I am...

I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a survivor.
My family has made me who I am...my past family with past hurts...my current family with current joy.
Family is something you are born into and cannot choose,
family is also what you choose it to be once you are old enough to start anew...


Friday, September 9, 2011

Deep Questions? Or Self-Pitying Speculations??

When I began puberty I also began to have migraines. Debilitating migraines that make it hard to stand without puking all over the place, impossible to open one's eyes in any light, severe dizziness/vertigo, and a general wish for death. When I was in my 20's I would call in sick (barely) and stay in bed all day...suffering. I thought I had it so bad! ;)

I had such a migraine today. But I have kids. And so, there is no lying in bed all day; there can be no self pity - no silence and darkness and a cease to all movement. That is an impossibility with a 5th grader, a kindergartener, and a 15 month old.

I sit here now still asking myself the question: How did I do it? How is it that I got out of bed at 6am, puked for about 10 minutes, woke up the kids, fed them breakfast, helped pick out their outfits for the day, double checked backpacks, and drove them to school (all while feeding, dressing and changing the baby). I then attended a 90 minute PTA meeting, puked some more, took some more medication, fed the baby lunch, got him to nap and went to pick up the kindergartner - took him to swim lessons - then went back for the 5th grader. I had to help with homework, deal with the Sears repair man that said nothing is wrong with my oven that won't bake, got dinner on the table, kids bathed and ready for bed - all by the time Daddy got home. HOW DID I DO IT? Well, I do it every day so I guess it is sort of muscle memory at this point! :D

So here is the question...

Why is it that some people, when faced with great adversity, rise above the challenge and continue to live their lives - as though they will not let anything effect their quality of life; while others wallow in self pity and cease to live any kind of life that does not revolve around creating pity in others about how pitiful they are?

Now don't get me wrong, I'm in no way equating my stupid migraine to those amazing people who fight cancer and refuse to let it win...it is just that my day today was full of pain and it got me thinking. What do you think? Do you have an opinion? Is this one of those nature vs. nurture arguments?

I'm still in my head about this one, and just thought I'd put it out there and see what you think.

Here is an amazing song about surviving...

And another inspiring song...


  1. We have nature v nurture debates all the time in our house :-)

    I don't know the answer to this one though, although I suspect the body will endure what it has to. If you didn't have the kids to see to, I bet it would have been so easy to collapse into bed and try and give yourself time to recover - because you could. Whereas, with other people depending on you, you just keep going until you collapse. So, as much as it has to do with how much pain you can endure, I think part of it is to do with your priorities. If meeting your obligations wasn't a priority you would have skipped the PTA thing, if education wasn't a priority, you wouldn't have battled to get the kids to school.

    I hope that makes sense, I always seem to end up writing essays in your comments :-)

  2. Oh, man, I LOVE those two songs!!!

    That's a really good question. I think it depends on a lot of different factors; whether you have other beings depending on you, whether you were raised to be "tough" or not, and just your own inner strength.

    At any rate, I hope you're feeling better! (((HUG)))

  3. You do what you gotta do.

    I think a lot of it is nature as opposed to nurture.

    If you have it in you, you can't be held back.

    Hope your migraine goes away soon.

  4. Personally I am able to rise to the occasion for others much more easily than for myself. Your kids needed you, so you pushed through the pain - which makes sense to me and I also think is incredibly admirable. If it was me I would just toss my cats some kibbles, call out of work, and stay in bed all day.

  5. Ugh I get migranes too, and I have 4 kids. I know the feeling--but as for me I think I just got tougher after becoming a mom ;)

    I am in you paranormal group and I accidently missed that group when I followed everyones blog. I am trying to get caught up now. Sorry~

  6. When things are put in perspective. It really opens ones eyes doesn't it? I understand the migraines. I've had them since I was seven, and never truly able to get rid of them. I'm thankful for medication to help curve the pain, but you're right... how do they move on from cancer when I'm a big baby about a headache. Granted, one that does often leave me hospitalized, but I'm not fighting anything as serious as death.

    It really puts things in perspective. Fabulous post today. A real eye opening treat. It's my first time here and I look forward to more wonderful posts from you!

  7. excellent question. ultimately, it is a question of will. one person has the will to do something another does not. our destinies are self implemented, at least to some extent.

  8. Interesting piece. The people who are supposed to know about these things now tell us that about 80 percent of what we do is nature and only 20 percent is nuture. Using that as a guiding principal, the answer to your question might very well be that you were born with this drive that keeps you going no matter what, and then it would be reinforced if you saw that around you in your famiy as you were growing up. Question back to you: what do YOU think is responsible for this particular facet of your personality?