You Shouldn't Scream
The door swung open and the waves of heat brought the flies.
I can smell the stink of rotting flesh, and I pray it isn't my leg; perhaps just a rat caught in the trap under the camper.
"What the hell took you so long?" I screamed, I should not have screamed.
Now look at me, I'm stuck and don't know what I'm going to do without him. What the fuck kind of person just up and leaves after doing this? I'm here because of him, if I had a phone I'd call for help; but I'm stuck in Nowheresville with no electricity, plumbing or cell coverage. It's got to be almost midnight and I'm an idiot.
What is that scratching? What is outside? I've got to check my leg, but I'm scared of what I'll see. At least it's a full moon, that'll help me clean up this mess.
"OK...I can do this...OH SHIT!"
To be fair, I did not expect the maggots...I think the puking is justifiable.
Fuck! I've got to get out of here.
I can hear breathing; no, it is SNIFFING!
Please! Not a coyote. The fucker's tail hit the broom and the door swung shut.
I did try to not only complete the challenge, but the additional bonus challenge as well...let me know what you think!
if you like this story, please "Like" it on the Linkylinks; I'm number 139. thanks!
if you like this story, please "Like" it on the Linkylinks; I'm number 139. thanks!
Posts
Oh. My. God. That was amazing!!! I'm dying to know what's wrong with her leg. That was just freaky with the maggots, and the coyote was the coup de grace!
ReplyDeleteWow. I have been completely pulled in. I want to know more!
ReplyDeleteYuck, that's gross! Well done :-)
ReplyDeletemaggots - I have them in my WIP!!! just been correcting that bit when I came here - spooky - they are the good guys you know! well done - i must put my thinking hat on
ReplyDeleteThis piece is full of raw emotion. Nicely done. You've used rough language, but it is woven within the character's voice so tightly that it seemed appropriate for her. ~ Nadja
ReplyDeleteGrossly disturbing, which is good, right? Mine is #72
ReplyDelete@Crystal: Thanks so much! This just flowed out of me and now I'm thinking of making it into a full short story (maybe 6000 words). We'll see!
ReplyDelete@Alynza: I might make this an ongoing story, my brain is so full of where this is going!
@Sarah: Yeah, the maggots in the leg are actually based on a real experience I had...'nuff said!
@Alberta: Maggots are the good guys! I have my left leg thanks to them...but they still make one's skin crawl!
@Nadja: Thank you for the awesome critique, I tend to have heroines that curse...probably because my previous life (before kids) involved me cursing like a sailor! ;)
@bridgetstraub.com: Yep, I was kinda thinking it would be disturbing! I'll be sure to check out your entry!
Oh damn, that's soooo creepy and scary and awesome. The piece is tight and visceral, and really packs a wallop. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThat was great! You had a lot of tension and creepiness in such a short piece. Plus, I love the gory details. Excellent job! :)
ReplyDeleteWow, this was an awesome and gruesome piece! I can't wait to hear more from you - are you thinking of expanding at all?
ReplyDeleteMine's #262 (http://pensuasion.blogspot.com/)
Ack! I'm scared to look at my own leg now! Great post. :D
ReplyDeleteRaw. Intense. Awesome
ReplyDeleteLoved it! Announced your lovely blog on Twitter today. Well done,
ReplyDeleteAnother campaigner, Keta Diablo
http://www.twitter.com/ketadiablo
That was great, loved the narrator's voice.
ReplyDeletemood
Moody Writing
@mooderino
Whoa! Maggots! Made my skin crawl!
ReplyDeleteI love how unique the MC's voice is. Good job!
@JamilaJamison: thank you for your kind words! It started out as one thing...and morphed into another right before my fingertips! :)
ReplyDelete@Christine: I'm one for gory details...I think they sell the story! ;)
@S.L.Hennessy: I am currently in the middle of another WIP, but this is eating away at the back of my brain...who knew a flash fiction challenge would turn into my next WIP???
@Carrie: Thank you. I'm glad to elicit such a response!
@Holly: thanks!
@Keta: Thank you so much! It seems I need to get on Twitter...hmmm...
@Mooderino: Thank you, she's a bit of a firecracker!
F.E. Sewell: Unique voice? Oh THANK YOU! That means a lot!
I was a bit confused with the story line. She asks, "what took you so long?" but then it seems as though she's alone (funny how I assumed it was a 'she')
ReplyDeleteIn any case, your character has a unique voice for this genre and I quite liked reading the story. It stands out from 150 or so that I've read.